Last week, I was standing on the elementary school playground with a few other mothers waiting for our kids to be dismissed. One woman kind of stomped up to us and said, “I just had the worst day of my life.”
That got our attention.
“This morning I found wet carpet in the basement so I called my husband and he said, “Don’t call a plumber. I know what is wrong. Just turn the water off for the day and I’ll fix it as soon as I get home from work.” ”
This launched several of us into tirades about lawyer and banker husbands with tool belt fetishes.
“Well,” she continued, “since I couldn’t really do anything productive in the house I decided I’d mow the lawn. Now, I always make sure that I pick up the dogs’ poop in the yard but ... “
This launched all of us into a collective, abhorrent shriek.
“Millions of little pieces of dog poop sprayed all over me! So I ran into the house and stripped off my clothes in the bathroom.”
“But you don’t have any water,” one of us yelled!
“But I didn't have any water," she repeated. "So I used nearly an entire box of the kid’s wet wipes to clean-up. I’m here to get the kids and we’re going directly to the swimming pool so I can take a real shower and soak myself in chlorinated pool water.”
That, my friends, is what life in the suburbs really looks (and smells) like.